A minister was completing a temperance sermon. With great emphasis he said,
'If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and pour it
into the river.'
With even greater emphasis he said, 'And if I had
All the wine in the world, I'd take it and pour it in to the river.'
And then finally, shaking his fist in the air, he
said, 'And if I had all the whiskey in the world,
I'd take it and pour it into the river.'
Sermon complete, he sat down.
The song leader stood very cautiously and announced
With a smile, nearly laughing, 'For our closing song,
Let us sing Hymn #365, 'Shall We Gather at the River.'*
Thursday, April 17, 2008
Matthew 18:20
Matthew 18:20
For where two or three are gathered together in my name,
there am I in the midst of them. Matthew 18:20
Does this count?
For where two or three are gathered together in my name,
there am I in the midst of them. Matthew 18:20
Does this count?
Thursday, April 10, 2008
Pastor's Business Card
A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door.
Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10."
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."
Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones?
They still are! Pass it on
"A cheerful heart is good medicine" (Prov. 17:22)
Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10."
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter. Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock." Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."
Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones?
They still are! Pass it on
"A cheerful heart is good medicine" (Prov. 17:22)
Ruth went to her mail box and there was only one letter.
She picked it up and looked at it before opening, but then she looked at
the envelope again.
There was no stamp, no postmark, only her name and address.
She read the letter:
Dear Ruth:
I`m going to be in your neighborhood Saturday afternoon and I'd like to
stop by for a visit.
Love Always,
Jesus
Her hands were shaking as she placed the letter on the table. 'Why would
the Lord want to visit me? I'm nobody special. I don't have anything to offer.'
With that thought, Ruth remembered her empty kitchen cabinets.
'Oh my goodness, I really don't have anything to offer. I'll have to run
down to the store and buy something for dinner.'
She reached for her purse and c ounted out its contents. Five dollars and
forty cents.
'Well, I can get some bread and cold cuts, at least.'
She threw on her coat and hurried out the door.
A loaf of French bread, a half-pound of sliced turkey, and a carton of
milk...leaving Ruth with grand total twelve cents to last her until Monday.
Nonetheless, she felt good as she headed home, her meager offerings
tucked under her arm.
'Hey lady, can you help us,lady?'
Ruth had been so absorbed in her dinner plans, she hadn't even noticed
two figures huddled in the alleyway.
A man and a woman, both of them dressed in little more than rags.
'Look lady, I ain't got a job, you know, and my wife and I have been
living out here on the street, and, well, now it's getting cold and
we're getting kinda hungry and, well, if you could help us. Lady, we'd really appreciate it.'
Ruth looked at them both.
They were dirty, they smelled bad and frankly, she was certain that they
could get some kind of work if they really wanted to.
'Sir, I'd like to help you, but I'm a poor woman myself. All I have is a
few cold cuts and some bread, and I'm having an important guest for
dinner tonight and I was planning on serving that to Him.'
'Yeah, well, okay lady, I understand. Thanks anyway.'
The man put his arm around the woman's
shoulders, turned and headed back into the alley.
As she watched them leave, Ruth felt a familiar twinge in her heart.
'Sir, wait!'
The couple stopped and turned as she ran down the alley after them.
'Look, why don't you take this food. I'll figure out something else to
serve my guest.'
She handed the man her grocery bag.
'Thank you lady. Thank you very much!'
'Yes, thank you!' It was the man's wife, and Ruth could see now that she
was shivering.
'You know, I've got another coat at home.
Here, why don't you take this one.'
Ruth unbuttoned her jacket and slipped it over the woman's shoulders.
Then smiling, she turned and walked back to the street...without her
coat and with nothing to serve her guest.
'Thank you lady!
Thank you very much!'
Ruth was chilled by the time she reached her front
door, and worried too.
The Lord was coming to visit and she didn't have anything to offer Him.
She fumbled through her purse for the door key. But as she did, she
noticed another envelope in her mailbox.
'That's odd. The mailman doesn't usually come twice in one day.'
Dear Ruth:
It was so good to see you again.
Thank you for the lovely meal.
And thank you, too, for the beautiful coat.
Love Always,
Jesus
The air was still cold, but even with out her coat, Ruth no longer noticed.
She picked it up and looked at it before opening, but then she looked at
the envelope again.
There was no stamp, no postmark, only her name and address.
She read the letter:
Dear Ruth:
I`m going to be in your neighborhood Saturday afternoon and I'd like to
stop by for a visit.
Love Always,
Jesus
Her hands were shaking as she placed the letter on the table. 'Why would
the Lord want to visit me? I'm nobody special. I don't have anything to offer.'
With that thought, Ruth remembered her empty kitchen cabinets.
'Oh my goodness, I really don't have anything to offer. I'll have to run
down to the store and buy something for dinner.'
She reached for her purse and c ounted out its contents. Five dollars and
forty cents.
'Well, I can get some bread and cold cuts, at least.'
She threw on her coat and hurried out the door.
A loaf of French bread, a half-pound of sliced turkey, and a carton of
milk...leaving Ruth with grand total twelve cents to last her until Monday.
Nonetheless, she felt good as she headed home, her meager offerings
tucked under her arm.
'Hey lady, can you help us,lady?'
Ruth had been so absorbed in her dinner plans, she hadn't even noticed
two figures huddled in the alleyway.
A man and a woman, both of them dressed in little more than rags.
'Look lady, I ain't got a job, you know, and my wife and I have been
living out here on the street, and, well, now it's getting cold and
we're getting kinda hungry and, well, if you could help us. Lady, we'd really appreciate it.'
Ruth looked at them both.
They were dirty, they smelled bad and frankly, she was certain that they
could get some kind of work if they really wanted to.
'Sir, I'd like to help you, but I'm a poor woman myself. All I have is a
few cold cuts and some bread, and I'm having an important guest for
dinner tonight and I was planning on serving that to Him.'
'Yeah, well, okay lady, I understand. Thanks anyway.'
The man put his arm around the woman's
shoulders, turned and headed back into the alley.
As she watched them leave, Ruth felt a familiar twinge in her heart.
'Sir, wait!'
The couple stopped and turned as she ran down the alley after them.
'Look, why don't you take this food. I'll figure out something else to
serve my guest.'
She handed the man her grocery bag.
'Thank you lady. Thank you very much!'
'Yes, thank you!' It was the man's wife, and Ruth could see now that she
was shivering.
'You know, I've got another coat at home.
Here, why don't you take this one.'
Ruth unbuttoned her jacket and slipped it over the woman's shoulders.
Then smiling, she turned and walked back to the street...without her
coat and with nothing to serve her guest.
'Thank you lady!
Thank you very much!'
Ruth was chilled by the time she reached her front
door, and worried too.
The Lord was coming to visit and she didn't have anything to offer Him.
She fumbled through her purse for the door key. But as she did, she
noticed another envelope in her mailbox.
'That's odd. The mailman doesn't usually come twice in one day.'
Dear Ruth:
It was so good to see you again.
Thank you for the lovely meal.
And thank you, too, for the beautiful coat.
Love Always,
Jesus
The air was still cold, but even with out her coat, Ruth no longer noticed.
The Brick
A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no children appeared . Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door! He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown. The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting,
'What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?' The young boy was apologetic. 'Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do,' He pleaded. 'I threw the brick because no one else would stop...' With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. 'It's my brother, 'he said. 'He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up.'
Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, 'Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me.'
Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay. 'Thank you and may God bless you,' the grateful child told the stranger. Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy! push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.
It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message: 'Don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!' God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us. It's our choice to listen or not.
'What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?' The young boy was apologetic. 'Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do,' He pleaded. 'I threw the brick because no one else would stop...' With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. 'It's my brother, 'he said. 'He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up.'
Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, 'Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me.'
Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay. 'Thank you and may God bless you,' the grateful child told the stranger. Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy! push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.
It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message: 'Don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!' God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us. It's our choice to listen or not.
60 Years of Marriage
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years. They had shared everything.
They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except
that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.
When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said,
" My grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue.
She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.
"Honey," he said, "That explains the two dolls, but what about all of this money?
Where did it come from?" "Oh," she said, "That's the money I made from selling the dolls."
They had talked about everything. They had kept no secrets from each other except
that the little old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside.
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was in the box.
When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls and a stack of money totaling $95,000. He asked her about the contents. "When we were to be married," she said,
" My grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage was to never argue.
She told me that if I ever got angry with you, I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll."
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with happiness.
"Honey," he said, "That explains the two dolls, but what about all of this money?
Where did it come from?" "Oh," she said, "That's the money I made from selling the dolls."
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
It's Friday, Sunday's Coming!
Dr. Tony Campolo tells the story of a little preaching competition that he had with his pastor during services at the church where he attends. Dr. Campolo tells how he preached the perfect sermon, perfect in every way. He had taken the congregation to the heights of glory. And as he sat down beside his pastor, Dr. Campolo patted him on the knee and simply said, "Top that." The older black pastor looked at him and said, "Boy, watch the master."
It was a simple sermon, starting softly, building in volume and intensity until the entire congregation was completely involved, repeating the phrases in unison. The sermon went something like this.
It's Friday. Jesus is arrested in the garden where He was praying. But Sunday's coming.
It's Friday. The disciples are hiding and Peter's denying that he knows the Lord. But Sunday's coming.
It's Friday. Jesus is standing before the high priest of Israel, silent as a lamb before the slaughter. But Sunday's coming.
It's Friday. Jesus is beaten, mocked, and spit upon. But Sunday's coming.
It's Friday. Those Roman soldiers are flogging our Lord with a leather scourge that has bits of bones and glass and metal, tearing at his flesh. But Sunday's coming.
It's Friday. The Son of man stands firm as they press the crown of thorns down into his brow. But Sunday's coming.
It's Friday. See Him walking to Calvary, the blood dripping from His body. See the cross crashing down on His back as He stumbles beneath the load. It's Friday; but Sunday's a coming.
It's Friday. See those Roman soldiers driving the nails into the feet and hands of my Lord. Hear my Jesus cry, "Father, forgive them." It's Friday; but Sunday's coming.
It's Friday. Jesus is hanging on the cross, bloody and dying. But Sunday's coming.
It's Friday. The sky grows dark, the earth begins to tremble, and He who knew no sin became sin for us. Holy God who will not abide with sin pours out His wrath on that perfect sacrificial lamb who cries out, "My God, My God. Why hast thou forsaken me?" What a horrible cry. But Sunday's coming.
It's Friday. And at the moment of Jesus' death, the veil of the Temple that separates sinful man from Holy God was torn from the top to the bottom because Sunday's coming.
It's Friday. Jesus is hanging on the cross, heaven is weeping and hell is partying. But that's because it's Friday, and they don't know it, but Sunday's a coming.
And on that horrible day 2000 years ago, Jesus the Christ, the Lord of glory, the only begotten Son of God, the only perfect man died on the cross of Calvary. Satan thought that he had won the victory. Surely he had destroyed the Son of God. Finally he had disproved the prophecy God had uttered in the Garden and the one who was to crush his head had been destroyed. But that was Friday.
Now it's Sunday. And just about dawn on that first day of the week, there was a great earthquake. But that wasn't the only thing that was shaking because now it's Sunday. And the angel of the Lord is coming down out of heaven and rolling the stone away from the door of the tomb. Yes, it's Sunday, and the angel of the Lord is sitting on that stone and the guards posted at the tomb to keep the body from disappearing were shaking in their boots because it's Sunday, and the lamb that was silent before the slaughter is now the resurrected lion from the tribe of Judah, for He is not here, the angel says. He is risen indeed.
It's Sunday, and the crucified/resurrected Christ has defeated death, hell, sin and the grave. It's Sunday. And now everything has changed. It's the age of grace, God's grace poured out on all who would look to that crucified lamb of Calvary. Grace freely given to all who would believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross of Calvary was buried and rose again. All because it's Sunday.
It was a simple sermon, starting softly, building in volume and intensity until the entire congregation was completely involved, repeating the phrases in unison. The sermon went something like this.
It's Friday. Jesus is arrested in the garden where He was praying. But Sunday's coming.
It's Friday. The disciples are hiding and Peter's denying that he knows the Lord. But Sunday's coming.
It's Friday. Jesus is standing before the high priest of Israel, silent as a lamb before the slaughter. But Sunday's coming.
It's Friday. Jesus is beaten, mocked, and spit upon. But Sunday's coming.
It's Friday. Those Roman soldiers are flogging our Lord with a leather scourge that has bits of bones and glass and metal, tearing at his flesh. But Sunday's coming.
It's Friday. The Son of man stands firm as they press the crown of thorns down into his brow. But Sunday's coming.
It's Friday. See Him walking to Calvary, the blood dripping from His body. See the cross crashing down on His back as He stumbles beneath the load. It's Friday; but Sunday's a coming.
It's Friday. See those Roman soldiers driving the nails into the feet and hands of my Lord. Hear my Jesus cry, "Father, forgive them." It's Friday; but Sunday's coming.
It's Friday. Jesus is hanging on the cross, bloody and dying. But Sunday's coming.
It's Friday. The sky grows dark, the earth begins to tremble, and He who knew no sin became sin for us. Holy God who will not abide with sin pours out His wrath on that perfect sacrificial lamb who cries out, "My God, My God. Why hast thou forsaken me?" What a horrible cry. But Sunday's coming.
It's Friday. And at the moment of Jesus' death, the veil of the Temple that separates sinful man from Holy God was torn from the top to the bottom because Sunday's coming.
It's Friday. Jesus is hanging on the cross, heaven is weeping and hell is partying. But that's because it's Friday, and they don't know it, but Sunday's a coming.
And on that horrible day 2000 years ago, Jesus the Christ, the Lord of glory, the only begotten Son of God, the only perfect man died on the cross of Calvary. Satan thought that he had won the victory. Surely he had destroyed the Son of God. Finally he had disproved the prophecy God had uttered in the Garden and the one who was to crush his head had been destroyed. But that was Friday.
Now it's Sunday. And just about dawn on that first day of the week, there was a great earthquake. But that wasn't the only thing that was shaking because now it's Sunday. And the angel of the Lord is coming down out of heaven and rolling the stone away from the door of the tomb. Yes, it's Sunday, and the angel of the Lord is sitting on that stone and the guards posted at the tomb to keep the body from disappearing were shaking in their boots because it's Sunday, and the lamb that was silent before the slaughter is now the resurrected lion from the tribe of Judah, for He is not here, the angel says. He is risen indeed.
It's Sunday, and the crucified/resurrected Christ has defeated death, hell, sin and the grave. It's Sunday. And now everything has changed. It's the age of grace, God's grace poured out on all who would look to that crucified lamb of Calvary. Grace freely given to all who would believe that Jesus Christ died on the cross of Calvary was buried and rose again. All because it's Sunday.
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