Terri asked her Sunday School class to draw pictures of their favorite Bible stories. She was puzzled by Kyle's picture, which showed four people on an airplane, so she asked him which story it was meant to represent.
"The Flight to Egypt ," was his reply.
Pointing at each figure, Ms. Terri said, "That must be Mary, Joseph, and Baby Jesus. But who's the fourth person?"
"Oh, that's Pontius - the pilot!"
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Family Tree
A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race come about?"
The mother answered: "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so all mankind was made."
Two days later she asks her father the same question.
The father answered: "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."
The confused girl returns to her mother and says: "Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Papa says we developed from monkeys?"
The mother answers: "Well dear, it is very simple.
I told you about the origin of my side of the family,
and your father told you about his side."
The mother answered: "God made Adam and Eve and they had children and so all mankind was made."
Two days later she asks her father the same question.
The father answered: "Many years ago there were monkeys, and we developed from them."
The confused girl returns to her mother and says: "Mom, how is it possible that you told me that the human race was created by God and Papa says we developed from monkeys?"
The mother answers: "Well dear, it is very simple.
I told you about the origin of my side of the family,
and your father told you about his side."
Thursday, January 24, 2008
When Your Hut Is On Fire...
The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited
island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him. Every day he scanned the
horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually
managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the
elements, and to store his few possessions. One day, after scavenging for
food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling
up to the sky. He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost. He
was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He cried out, "God! How could
you do this to me?" Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a
ship approaching the island! It had come to rescue him! "How did you know I
was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw y our smoke signal,"
they replied.
The Moral of This Story:
It's easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, but we shouldn't
lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of our
pain and suffering. Remember that the next time your little hut seems to be
burning to the ground. It just may be a smoke signal that summons the Grace
of God.
island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him. Every day he scanned the
horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually
managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the
elements, and to store his few possessions. One day, after scavenging for
food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, with smoke rolling
up to the sky. He felt the worst had happened, and everything was lost. He
was stunned with disbelief, grief, and anger. He cried out, "God! How could
you do this to me?" Early the next day, he was awakened by the sound of a
ship approaching the island! It had come to rescue him! "How did you know I
was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw y our smoke signal,"
they replied.
The Moral of This Story:
It's easy to get discouraged when things are going bad, but we shouldn't
lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of our
pain and suffering. Remember that the next time your little hut seems to be
burning to the ground. It just may be a smoke signal that summons the Grace
of God.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
The Resume of Jesus Christ
-- Author Unknown
Address: Ephesians 1:20
Phone: Romans 10:13
Website: The Bible
Keywords: Jesus Christ, Lord & Savior
My name is Jesus - The Christ. Many call me Lord! I've sent you my resume because I'm seeking the top management position in your heart. Please consider my accomplishments as set forth in my resume.
Qualifications:
. I founded the earth and established the heavens (see Proverbs 3:19).
. I formed man from the dust of the ground (see Genesis 2:7).
. I breathed into man the breath of life (see Genesis 2:7).
. I redeemed man from the curse of the law (see Galatians 3:13).
. The blessings of the Abrahamic Covenant comes upon your life through me (see Galatians 3:14).
Occupational Background:
. I've only had one employer (see Luke 2:49).
. I've never been tardy, absent, disobedient, slothful or disrespectful.
. My employer has nothing but rave reviews for me (see Matthew 3:15-17).
Skills & Work Experiences:
. Some of my skills and work experiences include: empowering the poor to be poor no more, healing the brokenhearted, setting the captives free, healing the sick, restoring sight to the blind and setting at liberty them that are bruised (see Luke 4:18).
.I am a Wonderful Counselor (see Isaiah 9:6). People who Listen to me shall dwell safely and shall not fear evil (see Proverbs 1:33)
. Most importantly, I have the authority, ability & power to cleanse you of your sins (see I John 1:7-9)
Educational Background:
. I encompass the entire breadth & length of knowledge, wisdom and understanding (see Proverbs 2:6).
. In me are hid all of the treasures of wisdom and knowledge (see Colossians 2:3).
. My Word is so powerful; it has been described as being a lamp unto your feet and a lamp unto your path (see Psalms 119:105).
. I can even tell you all of the secrets of your heart (see Psalms 44:21).
Major Accomplishments:
. I was an active participant in the greatest Summit Meeting of all times (see Genesis 1:26).
. I laid down my life so that you may live (see II Corinthians 5:15).
. I defeated the archenemy of God and mankind & made a show of them openly (see Colossians 2:15).
. I've miraculously fed the poor, healed the sick and raised the dead!
. There are many more major accomplishments, too many to mention here. You can read them on my website, which is located at: www dot - the BIBLE. You don't need an Internet connection or computer to access my website.
References:
. Believers and followers worldwide will testify to my divine healings, salvation, deliverance, miracles, restoration and supernatural guidance.
In Summation:
Now that you've read my resume, I'm confident that I'm the only candidate uniquely qualified to fill this vital position in your heart In summation, I will properly direct your paths (see Proverbs 3:5-6), and lead you into everlasting life (see John 6:47). When can I start? Time is of the essence (see Hebrews 3:15).
Address: Ephesians 1:20
Phone: Romans 10:13
Website: The Bible
Keywords: Jesus Christ, Lord & Savior
My name is Jesus - The Christ. Many call me Lord! I've sent you my resume because I'm seeking the top management position in your heart. Please consider my accomplishments as set forth in my resume.
Qualifications:
. I founded the earth and established the heavens (see Proverbs 3:19).
. I formed man from the dust of the ground (see Genesis 2:7).
. I breathed into man the breath of life (see Genesis 2:7).
. I redeemed man from the curse of the law (see Galatians 3:13).
. The blessings of the Abrahamic Covenant comes upon your life through me (see Galatians 3:14).
Occupational Background:
. I've only had one employer (see Luke 2:49).
. I've never been tardy, absent, disobedient, slothful or disrespectful.
. My employer has nothing but rave reviews for me (see Matthew 3:15-17).
Skills & Work Experiences:
. Some of my skills and work experiences include: empowering the poor to be poor no more, healing the brokenhearted, setting the captives free, healing the sick, restoring sight to the blind and setting at liberty them that are bruised (see Luke 4:18).
.I am a Wonderful Counselor (see Isaiah 9:6). People who Listen to me shall dwell safely and shall not fear evil (see Proverbs 1:33)
. Most importantly, I have the authority, ability & power to cleanse you of your sins (see I John 1:7-9)
Educational Background:
. I encompass the entire breadth & length of knowledge, wisdom and understanding (see Proverbs 2:6).
. In me are hid all of the treasures of wisdom and knowledge (see Colossians 2:3).
. My Word is so powerful; it has been described as being a lamp unto your feet and a lamp unto your path (see Psalms 119:105).
. I can even tell you all of the secrets of your heart (see Psalms 44:21).
Major Accomplishments:
. I was an active participant in the greatest Summit Meeting of all times (see Genesis 1:26).
. I laid down my life so that you may live (see II Corinthians 5:15).
. I defeated the archenemy of God and mankind & made a show of them openly (see Colossians 2:15).
. I've miraculously fed the poor, healed the sick and raised the dead!
. There are many more major accomplishments, too many to mention here. You can read them on my website, which is located at: www dot - the BIBLE. You don't need an Internet connection or computer to access my website.
References:
. Believers and followers worldwide will testify to my divine healings, salvation, deliverance, miracles, restoration and supernatural guidance.
In Summation:
Now that you've read my resume, I'm confident that I'm the only candidate uniquely qualified to fill this vital position in your heart In summation, I will properly direct your paths (see Proverbs 3:5-6), and lead you into everlasting life (see John 6:47). When can I start? Time is of the essence (see Hebrews 3:15).
10 Guidelines from God
Effective Immediately, please be aware that there are changes YOU need to make in YOUR life. These changes need to be completed in order that I may fulfill My promises to you to grant you peace, joy and happiness in this life. I apologize for any inconvenience, but after all that I am doing, this seems very little to ask of you. Please, follow these 10 guidelines.
1. QUIT WORRYING: Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you? Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that comes your way?
2. PUT IT ON THE LIST: Something needs done or taken care of. Put it on the list. No, not YOUR list. Put it on MY to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care of the problem. I can't help you until you turn it over to Me. And although My to-do-list is long, I am after all... God. I can take care of anything you put into My hands. In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care of a lot of things for you that you never even realize.
3. TRUST ME: Once you've given your burdens to Me, quit trying to take them back. Trust in Me. Have the faith that I will take care of all your needs, your problems and your trials. Problems with the kids? Put them on My list. Problem with finances? Put it on My list. Problems with your emotional roller coaster? For My sake, put it on My list. I want to help you. All you have to do is ask.
4. LEAVE IT ALONE: Don't wake up one morning and say, "Well, I'm feeling much stronger now, I think I can handle it from here." Why do you think you are feeling stronger now? It's simple. You gave Me your burdens and I'm taking care of them. I also renew your strength and cover you in my peace. Don't you know that if I give you these problems back, you will be right back where you started? Leave them with Me and forget about them. Just let Me do my job.
5. TALK TO ME: I want you to forget a lot of things. Forget what was making you crazy. Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I'm in control. But there's one thing I pray you never forget. Please, don't forget to talk to Me - OFTEN! I love YOU! I want to hear your voice. I want you to include Me in on the things going on in your life. I want to hear you talk about your friends and family. Prayer is simply you having a conversation with Me. I want to be your dearest friend.
6. HAVE FAITH: I see a lot of things from up here that you can't see from where you are. Have faith in Me that I know what I'm doing. Trust Me; you wouldn't want the view from My eyes. I will continue to care for you, watch over you, and meet your needs. You only have to trust Me. Although I have a much bigger task than you, it seems as if you have so much trouble just doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?
7. SHARE: You were taught to share when you were only two years old. When did you forget? That rule still applies. Share with those who are less fortunate than you. Share your joy with those who need encouragement. Share your laughter with those who haven't heard any in such a long time. Share your tears with those who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith with those who have none.
8. BE PATIENT: I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could have so many diverse experiences. You grow from a child to an adult, have children, change jobs many times, learn many trades, travel to so many places, meet thousands of people, and experience so much. How can you be so impatient then when it takes Me a little longer than you expect to handle something on My to-do-list? Trust in My timing, for My timing is perfect. Just because I created the entire universe in only six days, everyone thinks I should always rush, rush, rush.
9. BE KIND: Be kind to others, for I love them just as much as I love you. They may not dress like you, or talk like you, or live the same way you do, but I still love you all. Please try to get along, for My sake. I created each of you different in some way. It would be too boring if you were all identical. Please, know I love each of your differences.
10. LOVE YOURSELF: As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? You were created by me for one reason only -- to be loved, and to love in return. I am a God of Love. Love Me. Love your neighbors. But also love yourself. It makes My heart ache when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong. You are very precious to me.
1. QUIT WORRYING: Life has dealt you a blow and all you do is sit and worry. Have you forgotten that I am here to take all your burdens and carry them for you? Or do you just enjoy fretting over every little thing that comes your way?
2. PUT IT ON THE LIST: Something needs done or taken care of. Put it on the list. No, not YOUR list. Put it on MY to-do-list. Let ME be the one to take care of the problem. I can't help you until you turn it over to Me. And although My to-do-list is long, I am after all... God. I can take care of anything you put into My hands. In fact, if the truth were ever really known, I take care of a lot of things for you that you never even realize.
3. TRUST ME: Once you've given your burdens to Me, quit trying to take them back. Trust in Me. Have the faith that I will take care of all your needs, your problems and your trials. Problems with the kids? Put them on My list. Problem with finances? Put it on My list. Problems with your emotional roller coaster? For My sake, put it on My list. I want to help you. All you have to do is ask.
4. LEAVE IT ALONE: Don't wake up one morning and say, "Well, I'm feeling much stronger now, I think I can handle it from here." Why do you think you are feeling stronger now? It's simple. You gave Me your burdens and I'm taking care of them. I also renew your strength and cover you in my peace. Don't you know that if I give you these problems back, you will be right back where you started? Leave them with Me and forget about them. Just let Me do my job.
5. TALK TO ME: I want you to forget a lot of things. Forget what was making you crazy. Forget the worry and the fretting because you know I'm in control. But there's one thing I pray you never forget. Please, don't forget to talk to Me - OFTEN! I love YOU! I want to hear your voice. I want you to include Me in on the things going on in your life. I want to hear you talk about your friends and family. Prayer is simply you having a conversation with Me. I want to be your dearest friend.
6. HAVE FAITH: I see a lot of things from up here that you can't see from where you are. Have faith in Me that I know what I'm doing. Trust Me; you wouldn't want the view from My eyes. I will continue to care for you, watch over you, and meet your needs. You only have to trust Me. Although I have a much bigger task than you, it seems as if you have so much trouble just doing your simple part. How hard can trust be?
7. SHARE: You were taught to share when you were only two years old. When did you forget? That rule still applies. Share with those who are less fortunate than you. Share your joy with those who need encouragement. Share your laughter with those who haven't heard any in such a long time. Share your tears with those who have forgotten how to cry. Share your faith with those who have none.
8. BE PATIENT: I managed to fix it so in just one lifetime you could have so many diverse experiences. You grow from a child to an adult, have children, change jobs many times, learn many trades, travel to so many places, meet thousands of people, and experience so much. How can you be so impatient then when it takes Me a little longer than you expect to handle something on My to-do-list? Trust in My timing, for My timing is perfect. Just because I created the entire universe in only six days, everyone thinks I should always rush, rush, rush.
9. BE KIND: Be kind to others, for I love them just as much as I love you. They may not dress like you, or talk like you, or live the same way you do, but I still love you all. Please try to get along, for My sake. I created each of you different in some way. It would be too boring if you were all identical. Please, know I love each of your differences.
10. LOVE YOURSELF: As much as I love you, how can you not love yourself? You were created by me for one reason only -- to be loved, and to love in return. I am a God of Love. Love Me. Love your neighbors. But also love yourself. It makes My heart ache when I see you so angry with yourself when things go wrong. You are very precious to me.
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