Dear Santa

Dear Santa,
>
> I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on
> demand, visited the doctor's office more than my own doctor, sold sixty-two
> cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school
> playground. I was hoping you could spread my list out -- over several
> Christmases.
>
> Since I had to write this letter with my son's red crayon, on the back of a
> receipt in the laundry room between cycles; and who knows when I'll find any
> more free time in the next 18 years, so now - -
>
> *** Here are my Christmas wishes ***
>
> * I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (-in any color, except purple, which I
> already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the breeze; but are strong
> enough to pull my screaming child out of the candy aisle in the grocery store.
>
> * I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh month of my
> last pregnancy.
>
> * If you're hauling big-ticket items this year, I'd like fingerprint resistant
> windows and a radio that only plays adult music; a television that doesn't
> broadcast any programs containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a
> secret compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.
>
> * On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, 'Yes, Mommy' to
> boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't fight and three
> pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without the use of power tools.
>
> * I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting, 'Don't eat in the l
> iving room' and 'Take your hands off your brother,' because my voice seems to
> bejust out of my children's hearing range and can only be heard by the dog.
>
> * If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for enough time to
> brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or the luxury of eating
> food warmer than room temperature without it being served in a Styrofoam
> container.
>
> *If you don't mind, I could also use a few miracles to brighten the holiday
> season. Would it be too much trouble to declare ketchup a vegetable? It will
> clear my conscience immensely.
>
> *It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around the house
> without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an organized crime
> family.
>
>
> Well, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing, and my son saw my feet under the
> laundry room door. I think he wants his red crayon back. Have a safe trip Santa,
> and remember to leave your wet boots by the door, and come in and dry off, so
> you don't catch cold. Help yourself to cookies on the table, but don't eat too
> many or leave crumbs on the carpet.
>
> Yours always with love and appreciation,
> ~A Mom
> P.S. One more thing . . You can cancel all my requests, if you can keep my
> children 'young' enough to believe in Santa.

The Living Bible...

Now this is the Living Bible:

His name is Bill. He has wild hair,
wears a T-shirt with holes in it, jeans,
and no shoes. This was literally his wardrobe for his
entire four years of college.

He is brilliant. Kind of profound and very, very bright. He became a
Christian while attending college.

Across the street from the campus is a well-dressed, very
conservative church.
They want to develop a ministry
to the students but are not sure how to go
about it.

One day Bill decides to go there. He
walks in with no shoes, jeans, his
T-shirt, and wild hair. The service has already started and so
Bill starts down the aisle looking for a seat.

The church is completely packed and he can't find a seat.
By now, people are really looking a bit uncomfortable, but no
one says anything.

Bill gets closer and closer and closer to the pulpit,

and when he realizes there are no seats,

he just squats down right on the carpet.

By now the people are really uptight, and
the tension in the air is thick.

About this time, the minister realizes that from way at the back
of the church, a deacon is slowly making his way toward Bill.

Now the deacon is in his eighties, has silver-gray hair, and a three-piece
suit. A godly man, very elegant, very dignified, very
courtly. He walks with a cane and, as he starts walking toward
this boy, everyone is saying to themselves that you
can't blame him for what he's going to do.

How can you expect a man of his age and of his
background to understand some college kid on the floor?

It takes a long time for the man to reach the boy.

The church is utterly silent except for the clicking of the man's cane.

All eyes are focused on him. You can't even hear anyone breathing.



The minister can't even preach the sermon until the
deacon does what he has to do.
And now they see this elderly man drop his cane on the floor.



With great difficulty, he lowers himself and sits down
next to Bill and worships with him so he won't be alone.



Everyone chokes up with emotion.
When the minister gains control, he says,



What I'm about to preach, you will never remember.

What you have just seen, you will never forget'

'Be careful how you live. You may be the only Bible some people
will ever read!'

I asked the Lord to bless you as I prayed for you today.
To guide you and protect you
as you go along your way....
His love is always with you,
His promises are true,
And when we give Him all our cares,
You know He will see us through.

This Is What Christmas Is All About...

Pa never had much compassion for the lazy or those who squandered their means and then never had enough for the necessities. But for those who were genuinely in need, his heart was as big as all outdoors. It was from him that I learned the greatest joy in life comes from giving, not from receiving.


It was Christmas Eve 1881. I was fifteen years old and feeling like the world had caved in on me because there just hadn't been enough money to buy me the rifle that I'd wanted for Christmas. We did the chores early that night for some reason. I just figured Pa wanted a little extra time so we could read in the Bible.

After supper was over I took my boots off and stretched out in front of the fireplace and waited for Pa to get down the old Bible. I was still feeling sorry for myself and, to be honest, I wasn't in much of a mood to read Scriptures. But Pa didn't get the Bible, instead he bundled up again and went outside. I couldn't figure it out because we had already done all the chores. I didn't worry about it long though, I was too busy wallowing in self-pity. Soon Pa came back in. It was a cold clear night out and there was ice in his beard. "Come on, Matt," he said. "Bundle up good, it's cold out tonight." I was really upset then. Not only wasn't I getting the rifle for Christmas, now Pa was dragging me out in the cold, and for no earthly reason that I could see. We'd already done all the chores, and I couldn't think of anything else that needed doing, especially not on a night like this. But I knew Pa was not very patient at one dragging one's feet when he'd told them to do something, so I got up and put my boots back on and got my cap, coat, and mittens. Ma gave me a mysterious smile as I opened the door to leave the house. Something was up, but I didn't know what..

Outside, I became even more dismayed. There in front of the house was the work team, already hitched to the big sled. Whatever it was we were going to do wasn't going to be a short, quick, little job. I could tell. We never hitched up this sled unl ess we were going to haul a big load. Pa was already up on the seat, reins in hand. I reluctantly climbed up beside him. The cold was already biting at me. I wasn't happy. When I was on, Pa pulled the sled around the house and stopped in front of the woodshed. He got off and I followed. "I think we'll put on the high sideboards," he said. "Here, help me." The high sideboards! It had been a bigger job than I wanted to do with just the low sideboards on, but whatever it was we were going to do would be a lot bigger with the high side boards on.

After we had exchanged the sideboards, Pa went into the woodshed and came out with an armload of wood - the wood I'd spent all summer hauling down from the mountain, and then all Fall sawing into blocks and splitting. What was he doing? Finally I said something. "Pa," I asked, "what are you doing?" You been by the Widow Jensen's lately?" he asked. The Widow Jensen lived about two miles down the road. Her husband had died a year or so before and left her with three children, the oldest being eight. Sure, I'd been by, but so what?

Yeah," I said, "Why?"

"I rode by just today," Pa said. "Little Jakey was out digging around in the woodpile trying to find a few chips. They're out of wood, Matt." That was all he said and then he turned and went back into the woodshed for another armload of wood. I followed him. We loaded the sled so high that I began to wonder if the horses would be able to pull it. Finally, Pa called a halt to our loading, then we went to the smoke house and Pa took down a big ham and a side of bacon. He handed them to me and told me to put them in the sled and wait. When he returned he was carrying a sack of flour over his r ight shoulder and a smaller sack of something in his left hand. "What's in the little sack?" I asked. Shoes, they're out of shoes. Little Jakey just had gunny sacks wrapped around his feet when he was out in the woodpile this morning. I got the children a little candy too. It just wouldn't be Christmas without a little candy."


We rode the two miles to Widow Jensen's pretty much in silence. I tried to think through what Pa was doing. We didn't have much by worldly standards. Of course, we did have a big woodpile, though most of what was left now was still in the form of logs that I would have to saw into blocks and split before we could use it. We also had meat and flour, sonwe could spare that, but I knew we didn't have any money, so why was Pa buying them shoes and candy? Really, why was he doing any of this? Widow Jensen had closer neighbors than us; it shouldn't have been our concern.

We came in from the blind side of the Jensen house and unloaded the wood as quietly as possible, then we took the meat and flour and shoes to the door. We knocked. The door opened a crack and a timid voice said, "Who is it?" "Lucas Miles, Ma'am, and my son, Matt, could we come in for a bit?"

Widow Jensen opened the door and let us in. She had a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. The children were wrapped in another and were sitting in front of the fireplace by a very small fire that hardly gave off any heat at all. Widow Jensen fumbled with a match and finally lit the lamp.

"We brought you a few things, Ma'am," Pa said and set down the sack of flour. I put the meat on the table. Then Pa handed her the sack that had the shoes in it. She opened it hesitantly and took the shoes out one pair at a time. There was a pair for her and one for each of the children - sturdy shoes, the best, shoes that would last. I watched her carefully. She bit her lower lip to keep it from trembling and then tears filled her eyes and started running down her cheeks. She looked up at Pa like she wanted to say
something, but it wouldn't come out.

"We brought a load of wood too, Ma'am," Pa said. He turned to me and said, "Matt, go bring in enough to last awhile. Let's get that fire up to size and heat this place up." I wasn't the same person when I went back out to bring in the wood. I had a big lump in my throat and as mu ch as I hate to admit it, there were tears in my eyes too. In my mind I kept seeing those three kids huddled around the fireplace and their mother standing there with tears running down her cheeks with so much gratitude in her heart that she couldn't speak.

My heart swelled within me and a joy that I'd never known before, filled my soul. I had given at Christmas many times before, but never when it had made so much difference. I could see we were literally saving the lives of these people.

I soon had the fire blazing and everyone's spirits soared. The kids started giggling when Pa handed them each a piece of candy and Widow Jensen looked on with a smile that probably hadn't crossed her face for a long time. She finally turned to us. "God bless you," she said. "I know the Lord has sent you. The children and I have been praying that he would send one of his angels to spare us."

In spite of myself, the lump returned to my throat and the tears welled up in my eyes again. I'd never thought of Pa in those exact terms before, but after Widow Jensen mentioned it I could see that it was probably true. I was sure that a better man than Pa had never walked the earth. I started remembering all the times he had gone out of his way for Ma and me, and many others. The list seemed endless as I thought on it.

Pa insisted that everyone try on the shoes before we left. I was amazed when they all fit and I wondered how he had known what sizes to get. Then I guessed that if he was on an errand for the Lord that the Lord would make sure he got the right sizes.

Tears were running down Widow Jensen's face again when we stood up to leave. Pa took each of the kids in his big arms and gave them a hug. They clung to him and didn't want us to go. I could see that they missed their Pa, and I was glad that I still had mine.

At the door Pa turned to Widow Jensen and said, "The Mrs. wanted me to invite you and the children over for Christmas dinner tomorrow. The turkey will be more than the three of us can eat, and a man can get cantankerous if he has to eat turkey for too many meals. We'll be by to get you about eleven. It'll be nice to have some little ones around again. Matt, here, hasn't been little for quite a spell." I was the youngest. My two brothers and two sisters had all married and had moved away.

Widow Jensen nodded and said, "Thank you, Brother Miles. I don't have to say, May the Lord bless you, I know for certain that He will."
Out on the sled I felt a warmth that came from deep within and I didn't even notice the cold. When we had gone a ways, Pa turned to me and said, "Matt, I want you to know something. Your ma and me have been tucking a little money away here and there all year so we could buy that rifle for you, but we didn't have quite enough. Then yesterday a man who owed me a little money from years back came by to make things square. Your ma and me were real excited, thinking that now we could get you that rifle, and I started into town this morning to do just that,but on the way I saw little Jakey out scratching in the woodpile with his feet wrapped in those gunny sacks and I knew what I had to do. Son, I spent the money for shoes and a little candy for those children. I hope you understand."

I understood, and my eyes became wet with tears again. I understood very well, and I was so glad Pa had done it. Now the rifle seemed very low on my list of priorities. Pa had given me a lot more. He had given me the look on Widow Jensen's face and the radiant smiles of her three children.

For the rest of my life, whenever I saw any of the Jensens, or split a block of wood, I remembered, and remembering brought back that same joy I felt riding home beside Pa that night. Pa had given me much more than a rifle that night, he had given me the best Christmas of my life.

Don't be too busy today. Share this inspiring message. God bless you!

Success

At age 4 success is . . . not piddling in your pants.
At age 12 success is .. . . having friends..
At age 17 success is .. . having a drivers licence.
At age 35 success is .. . having money.
At age 50 success is .. . . having money.
At age 70 success is .. .. . having a drivers licence.
At age 75 success is .. . . having friends.
At age 80 success is .. . ... not piddling in your pants.


Always remember to forget the troubles that pass your way; BUT NEVER forget the blessings that come each day.

The Four Stages of Life

1) You believe in Santa Claus.
2) You don't believe in Santa Claus.
3) You are Santa Claus.
4) You look like Santa Claus.

Great Truths About Growing Old

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional.
2) Forget the health food. I need all the preservatives I can get.
3) When you fall down, you wonder what else you can do while you're down there.
4) You're getting old when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a roller coaster.
5) It's frustrating when you know all the answers but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.
6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a lousy beautician.
7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age comes alone.

Great Truths That Adults Have Learned

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing jelly to a tree.
2) Wrinkles don't hurt.
3) Families are like fudge...mostly sweet, with few nuts.
4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut that held its ground.
5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging on the inside.
6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy.

Great Truths That Little Children Have Learned

1) No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't let her brush your hair.
3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
4) Never ask your 3-year old brother to hold a tomato.
5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the same time.
8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white shorts.
10) The best place to be when you're sad is nana's lap.

Smile from God

One in a million shot - A smile from God !

Working Replica of Noah's Ark

Working Replica

Working Replica of Noah's Ark Opened In SCHAGEN, Netherlands . The massive central door in the side of Noah's Ark was opened the first crowd of curious townsfolk to behold the wonder. Of course, it's only a replica of the biblical Ark , built by Dutch Creationist Johan Huibers as a testament to his faith in the literal truth of the Bible. The ark is 150 cubits long, 30 cubits high and 20 cubits wide. That's two-thirds the length of a football field and as high as a three-story house. Life-size models of giraffes, elephants, lions, crocodiles, zebras, bison and other animals greet visitors as they arrive in the main hold. A contractor by trade, Huibers built the ark of cedar and pine. Biblical Scholars debate exactly what the wood used by Noah would have been.

Huibers did the work mostly with his own hands, using modern tools and with occasional help from his son Roy. Construction began in May 2005. On the uncovered top deck - not quite ready in time for the opening - will come a petting zoo, with baby lambs and chickens, and goats, and one camel.

Visitors on the first day were stunned. 'It's past comprehension', said Mary Louise Starosciak, who happened to be bicycling by with her husband while on vacation when they saw the ark looming over the local landscape.

'I knew the story of Noah, but I had no idea the boat would have been so big.' There is enough space near the keel for a 50-seat film theater where kids can watch a video that tells the story of Noah and his ark. Huibers, a Christian man, said he hopes the project will renew interest in Christianity in the Netherlands, where church going has fallen dramatically in the past 50 years.

Something We Should All Remember

A 92-year-old, petite, well-poised and proud man, who is fully dressed each morning by eight o'clock, with his hair fashionably combed and shaved perfectly, even though he is legally blind, moved to a nursing home today. His wife of 70 years recently passed away, making the move necessary.


After many hours of waiting patiently in the lobby of the nursing home, he smiled sweetly when told his room was ready.

As he maneuvered his walker to the elevator, I provided a visual description of his tiny room, including the eyelet sheets that had been hung on his window.

'I love it,' he stated with the enthusiasm of an eight-year-old having just been presented with a new puppy 'Mr.. Jones, you haven't seen the room; just wait.' 'That doesn' t have anything to do with it,' he replied.

'Happiness is something you decide on ahead of time. Whether I like my room or not doesn't depend on how the furniture is arranged .. it's how I arrange my mind. I already decided to love it. 'It's a decision I make every morning when I wake up.

I have a choice; I can spend the day in bed recounting the difficulty I have with the parts of my body that no longer work, or get out of bed and be thankful for the ones that do.

Each day is a gift, and as long as my eyes open, I'll focuson the new day and all the happy memories I've stored away.. Just for this time in my life

Old age is like a bank account. You withdraw from what you'v put in.

So, my advice to you would be to deposit a lot of happiness in the bank account of memories!

Thank you for your part in filling my Memory bank. I am still depositing.' Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred.

2. Free your mind from worries.

3. Live simply.

4. Give more.

5. Expect less

Cell Phones VS The Bible

Ever wonder what would happen if we treated our Bible like we treat our cell phone?

What if we carried it around in our purses or pockets?

What if we flipped through it several times a day?

What if we turned back to go get it if we forgot it?

What if we used it to receive messages from the text?

What if we treated it like we couldn't live without it?

What if we gave it to kids as gifts?

What if we used it when we traveled?

What if we used it in case of emergency?

This is something to make you go....hmm...where is my Bible?

Oh, and one more thing.

Unlike our cell phone, we don't have to worry about our Bible being disconnected because

Jesus already paid the bill.

Makes you stop and think "Where are my priorities?"

And no dropped calls!

10 Predictions No Matter Who Wins the Election

1. The Bible will still have all the answers.
2. Prayer will still work.
3. The Holy Spirit will still move.
4. God will still inhabit the praises of His people.
5. There will still be God-anointed preaching.
6. There will still be singing of praise to God.
7. God will still pour out blessings upon His people.
8. There will still be room at the Cross.
9. Jesus will still love you.
10. Jesus will still save the lost.
ISN'T IT GREAT TO KNOW WHO IS STILL IN CONTROL? (Amen!)

Psalm 23

The Lord is my Shepherd ----- that's a Relationship!
I shall not want ----- that's Supply!
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures ----that's Rest!
He leadeth me beside the still waters -----that's Refreshment!
He restoreth my soul ----- that's Healing!
He leadeth me in the paths of righteousness --that's Guidance!
For His name sake ----- that's Purpose!
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death--that's Testing!
I will fear no evil ----- that's Protection!
For Thou art with me ----- that's Faithfulness!
Thy rod and Thy staff they comfort me -----that's Discipline!
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies------that's Hope!
Thou annointest my head with oil ----- that's Consecration!
My cup runneth over ----- that's Abundance!
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life----that's Blessing!
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord -----that's Security!
Forever ----- that's Eternity!

The Art of Being Subtle

It was a chilly evening. The preacher found the man at home alone, sitting before a blazing fire. Guessing the reason for his preachers visit, the man welcomed him, led him to a comfortable chair near the fireplace and waited.

The preacher made himself at home but said nothing. In the grave silence, he contemplated the dance of the flames around the burning logs. After some minutes, the preacher took the fire tongs, carefully picked up a brightly burning ember and placed it to one side of the hearth all alone then he sat back in his chair, still silent.

The host watched all this in quiet contemplation. As the one lone ember's flame flickered and diminished, there was a momentary glow and then its fire was no more. Soon it was cold and dead.

Not a word had been spoken since the initial greeting. The preacher glanced at his watch and realized it was time to leave. He slowly stood up, picked up the cold, dead ember and placed it back in the middle of the fire. Immediately it began to glow, once more with the light and warmth of the burning coals around it.

As the preacher reached the door to leave, his host said with a tear running down his cheek, "Thank you so much for your visit and especially for the fiery sermon. I shall be back in church next Sunday."

We live in a world today, which tries to say too much with too little. Consequently, few listen. Sometimes the best sermons are the ones left unspoken.

Change Your Thinking

One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to
help drain the fluid from his lungs.

His bed was next to the room's only window.

The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end.

They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their
involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation

Every afternoon, when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he
would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could
see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where
his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color
of the world outside.

The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake.

Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model
boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a
fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.

As the man by the window described all this in exquisite details, the man
on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine this
picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon, the man by the window described a parade passing by.

Although the other man could not hear the band - he could see it in his
mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive
words.

Days, weeks and months passed.

One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to
find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully
in his sleep.

She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved
next to the window. The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after
making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first
look at the real world outside.

He strained to slowly turn to look out the window besides the bed.

The window faced a blank wall.....

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate
who had described such wonderful things outside this window.

The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.

She said, 'Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you.'

You Are Where God Wants You To Be

The next time your morning seems to be going wrong and the kids
are slow getting dressed and you can't seem to find the car keys
and you hit every traffic light, don't get mad or frustrated.
Praise God instead, because God is at work watching over you.

After Sept. 11, I happened to call a man on business whom I
didn't know and haven't, nor will probably ever talk to again.
But on this particular day, he felt like talking. He was the
head of security for a company that had invited the remaining
members of another company who had been decimated by the attack
on the Twin Towers to share their office space.

With his voice full of awe, he told me stories of why these
people are alive and their counterparts no longer were. In the
end, all the stories were just about little things that happen
to us.

You might know the head of the company got in late that day
because his son started kindergarten.

Another fellow is alive because it was his turn to bring
donuts. There were other stories that I hope and pray will
someday be gathered and put in a book. The one that struck me
was the man who put on a new pair of shoes that morning, took
the various means to get to work but before he got there, he
developed a blister on his foot. He stopped at a drugstore to
buy a Band-Aid. That is why he is alive today.

Now when I am stuck in traffic, miss an elevator, turn back to
answer a ringing telephone... all the little things that annoy
me, I think to myself, this is exactly where God wants me to
be at this very moment.

May God continue to bless you with all those annoying little
things.

Neat Picture

Chuckles

I dialed a number and got the following recording:

"I am not available right now, but
Thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the beep.
If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes."

Aspire to inspire before you expire.

( I LOVE THIS ONE!)
My wife and I had words, but I didn't get to use mine.

Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.

Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without forgetting.

The irony of life is that, by the time you're old enough to know your way around, you're not going anywhere.

(Men everywhere will love this one)
God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an answer for her first question.

I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one.

Every morning is the dawn of a new error.

Say a Prayer

Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at
his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the
table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he
started eating right away. 'Johnny! Please wait until we say
our prayer.' said his mother. 'I don't need to,' the boy replied.
'Of course, you do,' his mother insisted. 'We always say a prayer before eating
at our house.' 'That's at our house,' Johnny explained.
'But this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook! '

All Men and All Girls

When my daughter, Kelli, said her bedtime prayers, she
would bless every family member, every friend, and every animal (current and
past). For several weeks, after we had finished the nightly prayer,
Kelli would say, 'And all girls.' This soon became part of her
nightly routine, to include this closing. My curiosity got the best of me and I
asked her, 'Kelli, why do you always add the part about all
girls?' Her response, 'Because everybody always finish their prayers by
saying 'All Men'!'

Time To Pray

A pastor asked a little boy if he said his prayers every
night. 'Yes, sir,' the boy replied. 'And, do you always say them
in the morning, too?' the pastor asked. 'No sir,' the boy
replied. 'I ain't scared in the daytime.'

Untimely Answered Prayer

During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a
loud whistle from one of the back pews. Tommy's mother was horrified. She
pinched him into silence and, after church, asked, 'Tommy, whatever made
you do such a thing?' Tommy answered, soberly, 'I asked God to
teach me to whistle, and He did!'

Being Thankful

A Rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, 'So your
mother says your prayers for you each night? That 's very commendable.
What does she say?' The little boy replied, 'Thank God he's
in bed!'

Higher Power

A Sunday school teacher said to her children, 'we have
been l earning how powerful kings and queens were in Bible times. But,
there is a Higher Power. Can anybody tell me what it is?' One
child blurted out, 'Aces!'

Good Samaritan

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of
the Good Samaritan. She asked the class, 'I f you saw a person
lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?'
A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, 'I think I'd
throw up.'

Lots Wife

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife
looked back and
turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason
interrupted, 'My Mommy
looked back once while she was driving,' he announced
triumphantly, 'and
she turned into a telephone pole!'

Daddy's Empty Chair

A man's daughter had asked the local minister
to come and pray with her father.
When the minister arrived,
he found the man lying in bed with his head
propped up on two pillows.


An empty chair sat beside his bed.
The minister assumed that the old fellow
had been informed of his visit.
'I guess you were expecting me, he said.


'No, who are you?' said the father.
The minister told him his name and then remarked,
'I saw the empty chair and I figured you knew
I was going to show up.'


'Oh yeah, the chair,' said the bedridden man.
'Would you mind closing the door?'
Puzzled, the minister shut the door.
'I have never told anyone this,
not even my daughter,' said the man.


'But all of my life I have never
known how to pray.
At church I used to hear the pastor talk about prayer,
but it went right over my head.'


I abandoned any attempt at prayer,'
the old man continued, '
until one day four years ago, my best friend said to me,
'Johnny, prayer is just a simple matter
of having a conversation with Jesus.
Here is what I suggest.
'Sit down in a chair;
place an empty chair in front of you,
and in faith see Jesus on the chair.


It's not spooky because he promised,
'I will be with you always'.
'Then just speak to him in the same way
you're doing with me right now.'


'So, I tried it and I've liked it so much
that I do it a couple of hours every day.
I'm careful though . If my daughter saw me talking
to an empty chair, she'd either have a nervous breakdown
or send me off to the funny farm.'


The minister was deeply moved by the story and
encouraged the old man to continue on the journey.
Then he prayed with him, anointed him with oil,
and returned to the church.


Two nights later the daughter called
to tell the minister that her daddy
had died that afternoon.
Did he die in peace?' he asked.


Yes, when I left the house about two o'clock,
he called me over to his bedside,
told me he loved me and kissed me on the cheek.
When I got back from the store an hour later,
I found him .


But there was something strange about his death.
Apparently, just before Daddy died,
he leaned over and rested his head on the chair
beside the bed. What do you make of that?'


The minister wiped a tear from his eye and said,
'I wish we could all go like that.'

Try Not To Cry!

She jumped up as soon as she saw the surgeon come out of the operating room. She said: 'How is my little boy? Is he going to be all right? When can I see him?'The surgeon said, 'I'm sorry. We did all we could, but your boy didn't make it.'

Sally said, 'Why do little children get cancer? Doesn't God care any more? Where were you, God, when my son needed you?'

The surgeon asked, 'Would you like some time alone with your son? One of the nurses will be out in a few minutes, before he's transported to the university.'

Sally asked the nurse to stay with her while she said good bye to son. She ran her fingers lovingly through his thick red curly hair. 'Would you like a lock of his hair?' the nurse asked. Sally nodded yes. The nurse cut a lock of the boy's hair, put it in a plastic bag and handed it to Sally.

The mother said, 'It was Jimmy's idea to donate his body to the University for Study. He said it might help somebody else. 'I said no at first, but Jimmy said, 'Mom, I won't be using it after I die. Maybe it will help some other little boy spend one more day with his Mom.' She went on, 'My Jimmy had a heart of gold. Always thinking of someone else. Always wanting to help others if he could.'

Sally walked out of Children's Mercy Hospital for the last time, after spending most of the last six months there. She put the bag with Jimmy's belongings on the seat beside her in the car.

The drive home was difficult. It was even harder to enter the empty house. She carried Jimmy's belongings, and the plastic bag with the lock of his hair to her son's room.

She started placing the model cars and other personal things back in his room exactly where he had always kept them. She lay down across his bed and, hugging his pillow, cried herself to sleep.

It was around midnight when Sally awoke. Lying beside her on the bed was a folded letter. The letter said:

'Dear Mom,

I know you're going to miss me; but don't think that I will ever forget you, or stop loving you, just 'cause I'm not around to say 'I Love You'. I will always love you, Mom, even more with each day. Someday we will see each other again. Until then, if you want to adopt a little boy so you won't be so lonely, that's okay with me. He can have my room and old stuff to play with. But, if you decide to get a girl instead, she probably wouldn't like the same things us boys do. You'll have to buy her dolls and stuff girls like, you know. < /I>

Don't be sad thinking about me. This really is a neat place. Grandma and Grandpa met me as soon as I got here and showed me around some, but it will take a long time to see everything. The angels are so cool. I love to watch them fly. And, you know what? Jesus doesn't look like any of his pictures. Yet, when I saw Him, I knew it was Him. Jesus himself took me to see GOD! And guess what, Mom? I got to sit on God's knee and talk to Him, like I was somebody important. That's when I told Him that I wanted to write you a letter, to tell you good bye and everything. But I already knew that wasn't allowed. Well, you know what Mom? God handed me some paper and His own personal pen to write you this letter I think Gabriel is the name of the angel who is going to drop this letter off to you. God said fo r me to give you the answer t o on e of the questions you aske Him where was He when I needed him?' 'God said He was in the same place with me, as when His son Jesus was on the cross. He was right there, as He always is with all His children.

Oh, by the way, Mom, no one else can see what I've written except you. To everyone else this is just a blank piece of paper. Isn't that cool? I have to give God His pen back now He needs it to write some more names in the Book of Life. Tonight I get to sit at the table with Jesus for supper. I'm sure the food will be great.

Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. I don't hurt anymore the cancer is all gone.. I'm glad because I couldn't stand that pain anymore and God couldn't stand to see me hurt so much, either. That's when He sent The Angel of Mercy to come get me. The Angel said I was a Special Delivery! How about that?

Signed with Love from God, Jesus & Me.

Dancing With God

When I meditated on the word Guidance,
I kept seeing "dance" at the end of the word.

I remember reading that doing God's will is a lot like dancing.
When two people try to lead, nothing feels right.
The movement doesn't flow with the music,
and everything is quite uncomfortable and jerky.

When one person realizes that, and lets the other lead,
both bodies begin to flow with the music.
One gives gentle cues, perhaps with a nudge to the back
or by pressing Lightly in one direction or another.
It's as if two become one body, moving beautifully.
The dance takes surrender, willingness,
and attentiveness from one person
and gentle guidance and skill from the other.

My eyes drew back to the word Guidance.
When I saw "G: I thought of God, followed by "u" and "i".
"God, "u" and "i" dance."
God, you, and I dance.

As I lowered my head, I became willing to trust
that I would get guidance about my life.
Once again, I became willing to let God lead.

My prayer for you today is that God's blessings
and mercies be upon you on this day and everyday.
May you abide in God as God abides in you.

Dance together with God, trusting God to lead
and to guide you through each season of your life.

God.com

Dear Lord,
Every single evening as I'm lying here in bed.
This tiny little prayer keeps running through my head.

God bless all my family wherever they may be,
keep them warm and safe from harm for they're so close to me.

And God, there is one more thing
I wish that you could do;
Hope you don't mind me asking,
Please bless my computer too.
Now I know that it's unusual
To bless a motherboard,
but listen just a second
while I explain it to you, Lord.

You see, that little metal box
holds more than odds and ends.

Inside those small compartments
rest so many of my friends.
I know so much about them
by the kindness that they give,
and this little scrap of metal
takes me in to where they live.

By faith is how I know them
much the same as you.
We share in what life brings us
and from that our friendships grew.

Please take an extra minute
from your duties up above,
to bless those in my address book
that's filled with so much
love.

Wherever else this prayer may reach
to each and every friend,
bless each e-mail inbox
and each person who hits 'send'.
When you update your Heavenly list
on your own Great CD-ROM,
bless everyone who says this prayer
Send up to GOD.Com

Amen

My Weekly "To Do" List

Monday - Wash Day
Lord, help me to wash away all my selfishness and vanity, so I may serve You with perfect humility through the week ahead.

Tuesday - Ironing Day
Dear Lord, help me to iron out all the wrinkles of prejudice I have collected through the years so that I may see the beauty in others.

Wednesday - Mending Day
O God, help me to mend my ways so I will not set bad example for others.

Thursday - Cleaning Day
Lord Jesus, help me to dust out all the many faults I have been hiding in the secret corners of my heart.

Friday - Shopping Day
O God, give me the grace to shop wisely so I may purchase eternal happiness for myself and all others in need of love.

Saturday - Cooking Day
Help me, my Savior, to brew a big kettle of brotherly love and serve it with clean, sweet bread of human kindness.

Sunday - The Lord's Day
O God, I have prepared my house for You. Please come into my heart as my
Honored Guest so I may spend the day and the rest of my life in Your Presence.

~ Author Unknown ~

When You Thought I Wasn't Looking

A message every adult should read because children
are watching you and doing as you do, not as you say.


When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you hang my
first painting on the refrigerator, and I immediately
wanted to paint another one.


When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you feed a
stray cat, and I learned that it was good to be kind
to animals.


When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make my
favorite cake for me, and I learned that the little
things can be the special things in life.


When you thought I wasn't looking I heard you say a
prayer, and I knew that there is a God I could always
talk to, and I learned to trust in Him.


When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you make a
meal and take it to a friend who was sick, and I
learned that we all have to help take care of each
other.


When you thought I wasn't looking, I saw you give of
your time and money to help people who had nothing,
and I learned that those who have something should
give to those who don't.


When you thought I wasn't looking I saw you take care
of our house and everyone in it, and I learned we have
to take care of what we are given.


When you thought I wasn't looking I saw how you
handled your responsibilities, even when you didn' t
feel good, and I learned that I would have to be
responsible when I grow up.


When you thought I wasn't looking I saw tears come
from your eyes, and I learned that sometimes things
hurt, but it's all right to cry.


When you thought I wasn't looking I saw that you
cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.


When you thought I wasn't looking I learned most of
life's lessons that I need to know to be a good and
productive person when I grow up.


When you thought I wasn't looking I looked at you and
wanted to say,'Thanks for all the things I saw when
you thought I wasn't looking.'

I Just Wanna Be a Sheep

HE ARRIVED THIS MORNING,
WE HAD PRAYER,
SPENT SOME TIME JUST TALKING,
AND THEN HE WAS ON HIS WAY TO YOUR HOUSE.

When He gets to your PC, please escort Him to the next stop..
Please don't allow Him to sleep on your PC.
The message He is carrying is very important and needs to go round.
May God bless you as you do this - AMEN.



Walking for Jesus!

Say a prayer, then pass Him on to bless others.
Our assignment is to love and spread the gospel throughout the world.
Have a blessed day and touch somebody's life today!
I just did.

He's walking around the world - via e-mail!!
Pass it on so He can get there.
When you forward, put where He left in the subject box.

Stress Management

A lecturer when explaining stress management to an audience,
raised a glass of water and asked "How heavy is this glass of water?"

Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g.

The lecturer replied, "The absolute weight doesn't matter.
It depends on how long you try to hold it.

If I hold it for a minute, that's not a problem.

If I hold it for an hour, I'll have an ache in my right arm.

If I hold it for a day, you'll have to call an ambulance.

In each case, it's the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the
heavier it becomes." He continued, "And that's the way it is with stress management.

If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later,
as the burden becomes increasingly heavy,
we won't be able to carry on. As with the glass of water,
you have to put it down for a while and rest before holding it again.
When we're refreshed, we can carry on with the burden.
So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down.
Don't carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow.
Whatever burdens you're carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can."

So, my friend, Put down anything that may be a burden to you right
now.

Don't pick it up again until after you've rested a while.

Here are some great ways of dealing with the burdens of life:

* Accept that some days you're the pigeon,and some days you're the statue.

* Always keep your words soft and sweet,
just in case you have to eat them.

* Always read stuff that will make you look good
if you die in the middle of it.

* Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be
recalled by their maker.

* If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

* If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again,
it was probably worth it.

* It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply be kind to
others.

* Never put both feet in your mouth at the same time,
because then you won't have a leg to stand on.

* Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

* Since it's the early worm that gets eaten by the bird, sleep late.

* The second mouse gets the cheese.

* When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

* Birthdays are good for you. The more you have, the longer you live.

* You may be only one person in the world, but you may also be the world to one person.

* Some mistakes are too much fun to only make once.

*A truly happy person is one who can enjoy the scenery on a detour.

The Pastor & The Pilot

A minister dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's wearing sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven?"

The guy replies, "I'm Peter Pilot, retired Continental pilot from Houston."

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom."

The pilot enters Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next it's the minister's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's in Pasadena for the last 43 years."

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the minister, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom."

"Just a minute," says the minister. "That man was a pilot and he gets a silken robe and golden staff, and I get only cotton and wood? How can this be?"

"Up here, we work by results," says Saint Peter. "While you preached - people slept; while he flew - - people prayed."

Church One-Liners

'Don't let your worries get the best of you. Remember, Moses started out as a basket case'

Some people are kind, polite, and sweet-spirited - until you try to sit in their pews.

Many folks want to serve God, but only as advisers

It is easier to preach ten sermons than it is to live one.

The good Lord didn't create anything without a purpose, but mosquitoes and sand gnats come close.

When you get to your wit's end, you'll find God lives there.

People are funny, they want the front of the bus, the middle of the road, and the back of the church.

Opportunity may knock once, but temptation bangs on your front door forever.

Quit griping about your church; if it was perfect, you couldn't belong.

If the church wants a better pastor, it only needs to pray for the one it has.

God Himself does not propose to judge a man until he is dead. So why should you?

Some minds are like concrete, thoroughly mixed up and permanently set.

Peace starts with a smile.

I don't know why some people change churches; what difference does it make which one you stay home from?

A lot of church members who are singing 'Standing on the Promises' are just sitting on the premises.

We were called to be witnesses, not lawyers or judges

Be ye fishers of men. You catch them - He'll clean them.

Coincidence is when God chooses to remain anonymous.

Don't put a question mark where God put a period.

Don't wait for 6 strong men to take you to church.

Forbidden fruits create many jams.

God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called.

God grades on the cross, not the curve.

God loves everyone, but probably prefers 'fruits of the spirit' over 'religious nuts!'

God promises a safe landing, not a calm passage.

He who angers you, controls you!

If God is your Copilot - swap seats!

Prayer: Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!

The task ahead of us is never as great as the Power behind us.

The Will of God will never take you to where the Grace
of God will not protect you.

We don't change the message, the message changes us.

You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to ........ discourage him.

The best mathematical equation I have ever seen:
1 cross + 3 nails = 4 given.
__________________________
'Dear Father: Bless the person reading this in whatever it is that You know they need.' Amen!

Who Walks Into Your Life...

God determines who walks into your life....it's up to you to decide
who you let walk away , who you let stay , and who you refuse to let go.
God bless all my friends in whatever it is that you know they
may need this day! And may their life be full of your peace ,
prosperity and power as they seek to have a closer relationship with you.
Amen.

Are You Sick of the Rain Yet?

For everyone who is SICK of the rain.

A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in the long line of judgment.

As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the pearly gates into Heaven. Others though, were led over to Satan who threw them into the burning fire. But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul off to one side into a small pile.

After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's curiosity got the best of him.

So he strolled over and asked Satan what he was doing.
"Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm waiting in line for Judgment, but I couldn't help wondering. Why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the Fires of Hell with the others?"

"Oh those . ." Satan groaned.

"They're all from Iowa . They're still too wet to burn."

You Never Know Who You Will See When You Get There

I was shocked, confused, bewildered
as I entered Heaven's door,
Not by the beauty of it all,
nor the lights or its decor.

But it was the folks in Heaven
who made me sputter and gasp--
the thieves, the liars, the sinners,
the alcoholics, the trash.

There stood the kid from seventh grade
who swiped my lunch money twice.
Next to him was my old neighbor
who never said anything nice.

Herb, who I always thought
was rotting away in hell,
was sitting pretty on cloud nine,
looking incredibly well.

I nudged Jesus, 'What's the deal?
I would love to hear Your take.
How'd all these sinners get up here?
God must've made a mistake.

'And why's everyone so quiet,
so somber? Give me a clue.'
'Hush, child,' said He, 'they' re all in shock.
No one thought they'd be see ing you.'

The Call

On a Saturday night several weeks ago, this pastor
was working late, and decided to call his wife before he
left for home. It was about 10:00 PM, but his wife
didn't answer the phone.

The pastor let the phone ring many times. He thought it
was odd that she didn't answer, but decided to wrap up a
few things and try again in a few minutes. When he tried
again she answered right away. He asked her why she
hadn't answered before, and she said that it hadn't rung
at their house. They brushed it off as a fluke and went
on their merry ways.


The following Monday, the pastor received a call at the
church office, which was the phone that he'd used that
Saturday night. The man that he spoke with wanted to
know why he'd called on Saturday night.

The pastor couldn't figure out what the man was talking
about. Then the man said, 'It rang and rang, but I
didn't answer.' The pastor remembered the mishap and
apologized for disturbing him, explaining that he'd
intended to call his wife.

The man said, 'That's, OK. Let me tell you my story.

You see, I was planning to commit suicide on Saturday
night, but before I did, I prayed, 'God if you're there,
and you don't want me to do this, give me a sign now.'
At that point my phone started to ring. I looked at the
caller ID, and it said, 'Almighty God'. I was afraid to
answer!'


The reason why it showed on the man's caller ID that the
call came from 'Almighty God' is because the church that
the pastor attends is called Almighty God Tabernacle!!

Who Says Religion Can't Be Funny?

Jewish Olympic Swimmer

Heaven and Hell

A holy man was having a conversation with the Lord one day and said.
'Lord, I would like to know what Heaven and Hell arelike.'

The Lord led the holy man to two doors.
He opened one of the doors and the holy man looked in. In the middle of
the room was a large round table. In the middle of the table was a
large pot of stew, which smelled delicious and made the holy man's mouth water.

The people sitting around the table were thin and sickly. They appeared to be famished. They were holding spoons with very long handles that were strapped to their arms and each found it possible to reach into the pot of stew and take a spoonful. But because the handle was longer

>than their arms,�
>they could not get the�
>spoons back into their�
>mouths.
>
>The�
>holy man shuddered at the sight�
>of their misery and�
>suffering.
>The�
>Lord said, 'You have seen Hell.�
>
>They�
>went to the next room and�
>opened the door. It was exactly�
>the�
>same as the�
>first one. There was the�
>large round table with the large�
>pot of�
>stew�
>which made the holy man's mouth�
>water. The people were equipped�
>with�
>the same�
>long-handled spoons, but here�
>the people were well nourished�
>and�
>plump,�
>laughing and talking. The holy�
>man said, 'I don't understand.�
>
>It is simple,'�
>said the Lord.�
>
>'It requires but one skill. You�
>see,�
>they have�
>learned to feed each
>other, while the greedy think�
>only�
>of�
>themselves.'�
>
>When�
>Jesus died on the cross, he was�
>thinking of you.

I'm Starting to Relate to Some of These

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, 'How old was your husband?' '98,' she replied.
'Two years older than me'
'So you're 96,' the undertaker commented.
She responded, 'Hardly worth going home, is it?


Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman:
'And what do you think is the best thing
about being 104?' the reporter asked.
She simply replied, 'No peer pressure.'


The nice thing about being senile is
you can hide your own Easter eggs.


I've sure gotten old!
I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees, fought prostate cancer and diabetes
I'm half blind,
can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,
take 40 different medications that
make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts.
Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation;
hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92.
Have lost all my friends. But, thank God,
I still have my driver's license.


I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape,
so I got my doctor's permission to
join a fitness club and start exercising.
I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors.
I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But,
by the time I got my leotards on,
the class w! as over.


My memory's not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.


Know how to prevent sagging?
Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.


It's scary when you start making the same noises
as your coffee maker.


These days about half the stuff
in my shopping cart says,
'For fast relief.'


THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people
I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and
the eyesight to tell the difference.

Old age, I decided, is a gift.

I am now, probably for the first time in my life, the person I have always wanted to be. Oh, not my body! I sometime despair over my body, the wrinkles, the baggy eyes, and the sagging butt. And often I am taken aback by that old person that lives in my mirror, but I don't agonize over those things for long.


I would never trade my amazing friends, my wonderful life, my loving family for less gray hair or a flatter belly. As I've aged, I've become more kind to myself, and less critical of myself. I've become my own friend.

I don't chide myself for eating that extra cookie, or for not making my bed, or for buying that silly cement gecko that I didn't need, but looks so avante garde on my patio. I am entitled to a treat, to be messy, to be extravagant.

I have seen to o many dear friends leave this world too soon; before they understood the great freedom that comes with aging.

Whose business is it if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4 AM and sleep until noon?

I will dance with myself to those wonderful tunes of the 60's & 70's, and if I, at the same time, wish to weep over a lost love ... I will.

I will walk the beach in a swim suit that is stretched over a bulging body, and will dive into the waves with abandon if I choose to, despite the pitying glances from the jet set.
They, too, will get old.

I know I am sometimes forgetful. But there again, some of life is just as well forgotten. And I eventually remember the important things.

Sure, over the years my heart has been broken. How can your heart not break when you lose a loved one, or when a child suffers, or even when somebody's beloved pet gets hit by a car? But broken hearts are what give us strength and understanding and compassion. A heart never broken is pristine and sterile and will never know the joy of being imperfect.

I am so blessed to have lived long enough to have my hair turning gray, and to have my youthful laughs be forever etched into deep grooves on my face. So many have never laughed, and so many have died before their hair could turn silver.

As you get older, it is easier to be positive. You care less about what other people think. I don't question myself anymore. I've even earned the right to be wrong.

So, to answer your question, I like being old. It has set me free. I like the person I have become. I am not going to live forever, but while I am still here, I will not waste time lamenting what could have been, or worrying about what will be.

And I shall eat dessert every single day. (If I feel like it).s

Commercials

A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to look at
TV commercials and see if they could use them in some way to communicate ideas about God. Here are some of the results.

God is like.. BAYER ASPIRIN: He works miracles.

God is like... a FORD: He's got a better idea .

God is like... COKE: He's the real thing.

God is like... HALLMARK CARDS:
He cares enough to send His very best.

God is like... TIDE: He gets the stains out that others leave behind.

God is like... GENERAL ELECTRIC: He brings good things to life.

God is like... SEARS: He has everything.

God is like... ALKA-SELTZER: Try him, you'll like Him

God is like... SCOTCH TAPE:
You can't see him, but you know He's there.

God is like... DELTA: He's ready when you are.

God is like... ALLSTATE: You're in good hands with Him.

God is like... VO-5 Hair Spray: He holds through all kinds of weather.

God is like... DIAL SOAP:
Aren't you glad you have Him? Don't you wish everybody did?

God is like... the U.S. POST OFFICE:
Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor ice will keep Him from His appointed destination.

Road Sign

Reverend Ole was the pastor of the local Norwegian Lutheran Church,
and Pastor Sven was the minister of the Swedish Covenant Church across
the road. One day they were seen pounding a sign into the ground, that
said::

"DA END ISS NEAR! TURN YERSELF AROUND NOW BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE"

As a car sped past them, the driver leaned out his window and
yelled, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"

From the curve we heard screeching tires and a big splash... Rev.
Ole turns to Pastor Sven and asks, "Do ya tink maybe DA sign should
yust say 'Bridge Out'?

Powerful Woman

Live your life in such a way that when
your feet hit the floor in the morning,
Satan shudders & says...
"Oh no....she's awake!!"

A Dog's Purpose

From a six-year-old

Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.

I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.

As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt Shane might learn something from the experience.

The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.

The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, 'I know why.'

Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.

He said, 'People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?' The six-year-old continued, 'Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.'

Live simply.
Love generously.
Care deeply.
Speak kindly.

Remember, if a dog was the teacher you would learn things like:

+ When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.
+ Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
+ Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.
+ Take naps.
+ Stretch before rising.
+ Run, romp, and play daily.
+ Thrive on attention and let people touch you.
+ Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
+ On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.
+ On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
+ When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
+ Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
+ Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.
+ Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.
+ If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
+ When someone is having a bad day, be silent, sit close by, and nuzzle them gently.


+ ENJOY EVERY MOMENT OF EVERY DAY.

Beautiful Christian Sister

by Maya Angelou


'A woman's heart should be so hidden in Christ

that a man should have to seek Him first to find her.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not shouting 'I'm clean livin''

I'm whispering 'I was lost, Now I'm found and forgiven.'

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I don't speak of this with pride.

I'm confessing that I stumble and need Christ to be my guide.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not trying to be strong.

I'm professing that I'm weak and need His strength to carry on.

When I say.. 'I am a Christian' I'm not bragging of success.

I'm admitting I have failed and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not claiming to be perfect,

My flaws are far too visible but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I still feel the sting of pain..

I have my share of heartaches, so I call upon His name.

When I say... 'I am a Christian' I'm not holier than thou,

I'm just a simple sinner Who received God's good grace, somehow!

Pretty is as Pretty does... but beautiful is just plain beautiful!

A Man and His Dog

A man and his dog were walking along a road. The man was enjoying the scenery, when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.
He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years. He wondered where the road was leading them.
After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road. It looked like fine marble. At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.
When he was standing before it he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold. He and the dog walked toward the gate and, as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.

When he was close enough, he called out, 'Excuse me, could you tell me where we are?'
'This is Heaven, sir,' the man answered.

'Wow! Would you happen to have some water?' the man asked.

'Of course, sir. Come right in, and I'll have some ice water brought right up.'

The man gestured, and the gate began to open.

'Can my friend,' gesturing toward his dog, 'come in, too?' the traveller asked.
'I'm sorry, sir, but we don't accept pets.'
The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.
After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed. There was no fence.
As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book.

'Excuse me!' he called to the man. 'Do you have any water?'
'Yeah, sure, there's a pump over there, come on in.'
'How about my friend here?' the traveller gestured to the dog.
'There should be a bowl by the pump.'
They went through the gate, and sure enough, there was an old-fashioned hand pump with a bowl beside it.The traveller filled the water bowl and took a long drink himself, then he gave some to the dog.
When they were satisfied, he and the dog walked back toward the man who was standing by the tree.
'What do you call this place?' the traveller asked..
'This is Heaven,' he answered.
'Well, that's confusing,' the traveller said. 'The man down the road said that was Heaven, too.'

'Oh, you mean the place with the gold street and pearly gates? Nope. That's hell.'

'Doesn't it make you mad for them to use your name like that?'
'No, we're just happy that they screen out the folks who would leave their best friends behind.'

Bran Muffins

The couple were 85 years old, and had been married for sixty years. Though they were far from rich, they managed to get by because they watched their pennies.

Though not young, they were both in very good health, largely due to the wife's insistence on healthy foods and exercise for the last decade.

One day, their good health didn't help when they went on a rare vacation and their plane crashed, sending them off to Heaven.

They reached the pearly gates, and St. Peter escorted them inside. He took them to a beautiful mansion, furnished in gold and fine silks, with a fully stocked kitchen and a waterfall in the master bath. A maid could be seen hanging their favorite clothes in the closet.

They gasped in astonishment when he said, 'Welcome to Heaven. This will be your home now.'

The old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost nothing,' Peter replied, 'remember, this is your reward in Heaven.'

The old man looked out the window and right there he saw a championship golf course, finer and more beautiful than any ever built on Earth.
'What are the greens fees?,' grumbled the old man.
'This is heaven,' St. Peter replied. 'You can play for free, every day.'

Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch, with every imaginable cuisine laid out before them, from seafood to steaks to exotic desserts, free flowing beverages.

'Don't even ask,' said St. Peter to the man. This is Heaven, it is all free for you to enjoy.'

The old man looked around and glanced nervously at his wife.

'Well, where are the low fat and low cholesterol foods, and the decaffeinated tea?,' he asked.
'That's the best part,' St. Peter replied. 'You can eat and drink as much as you like of whatever you like, and you will never get fat or sick. This is Heaven!'

The old man pushed, 'No gym to work out at?'

'Not unless you want to,' was the answer.
'No testing my sugar or blood pressure or...'
'Never again. All you do here is enjoy yourself.'

The old man glared at his wife and said, 'You and your bran muffins. We could have been here ten years ago!'

A Newborn's Conversation with God

A baby asked God, 'They tell me you are sending me to earth tomorrow, but how am I going to live there being so small and helpless?' God said, 'Your angel will be waiting for you and will take care of you.'


The child further inquired, 'But tell me, here in heaven I don't have to do anything but sing and smile to be happy.' God said, 'Your angel will sing for you and will also smile for you. And you will feel your angel's love and be very happy.'
Again the child asked, 'And how am I going to be able to understand when people talk to me if I don't know the language?' God said, 'Your angel will tell you the most beautiful and sweet words you will ever hear, and with much patience and care, your angel will teach you how to speak.'


'And what am I going to do when I want to talk to you?' God said, 'Your angel will place your hands together and will teach you how to pray.'
'Who will protect me?' God said, 'Your angel will defend you even if it means risking its life.'
'But I will always be sad because I will not see you anymore.' God said, 'Your angel will always talk to you about Me and will teach you the way to come back to Me, even though I will always be next to you.'


At that moment there was much peace in Heaven, but voices from Earth could be heard and the child hurriedly asked, 'God, if I am to leave now, please tell me my angel's name.'

God said, 'You will simply call her, 'Mom.'


Lift a mother's spirit, send this to every mother you know (no matter how old her child is)

God's Wings

A little something to put things in perspective. An article in National
Geographic several years ago provided an interesting picture of God's
wings.

After a forest fire in Yellowstone National Park, forest rangers began
their trek up a mountain to assess the inferno's damage. One ranger found
a bird literally petrified in ashes, perched statuesque on the ground at
the base of a tree.

Somewhat sickened by the eerie sight, he knocked over the bird with a
stick. When he gently struck it, three tiny chicks scurried from under
their dead mother's wings. The loving mother, keenly aware of impending
disaster, had carried her offspring to the base of the tree and had
gathered them under her wings, instinctively knowing that the toxic smoke
would rise. She could have flown to safety but had refused to abandon her
babies. When the blaze arrived, and the heat scorched her small body, the
mother had remained steadfast. Because she had been willing to die, so
those under the cover of her wings would live.

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find
refuge. (Psalm 91:4)

Being loved this much should make a difference in your life. Remember the
One who loves you, then be different because of it. My instructions were
to send this to people that I wanted God to bless and I picked you. sPlease
pass this on to people you want to be blessed.

Time waits for no one. Treasure every moment you have. You will treasure
it even more when you can share it with someone special.

Psalm 23 for the Work Place

The Lord is my real boss, and I shall not want.
He gives me peace, when chaos is all around me.
He gently reminds me to pray and do all things without
murmuring and complaining.

He reminds me that He is my source and not my job.
He restores my sanity every day and guides my decisions
that I might honor Him in all that I do.

Even though I face absurd amounts of e-mails, system
crashes, unrealistic deadlines, budget cutbacks, gossiping
co-workers , discriminating supervisors and an aging body
that doesn't cooperate every morning, I still will not stop---
for He is with me! His presence, His peace, and His power
will see me through.

He raises me up, even when they fail to promote me.
He claims me as His own, even when the company threatens
to let me go. His faithfulness and love is better than any bonus check.

His retirement plan beats any 401k there is!
When it's all said and done, I'll be working for Him a whole lot longer and for that, I BLESS HIS NAME!!!!!!

Mothers and Moms

This is for the mothers who have sat up all night with sick toddlers in their arms, wiping up barf laced with Oscar Mayer wieners and cherry Kool-Aid saying, 'It's okay honey, Mommy's here.' Who have sat in rocking chairs for hours on end soothing crying babies who can't be comforted.

This is for all the mothers who show up at work with spit-up in their hair and milk
stains on their blouses and diapers in their purse.

For all the mothers who run carpools and make cookies and sew Halloween costumes.
And all the mothers who DON'T.

This is for the mothers who gave birth to babies they'll never see. And the mothers who took those babies and gave them homes. This is for the mothers whose priceless art collections are hanging on their refrigerator doors. And for all the mothers who froze their buns on metal bleachers at baseball or soccer games instead of watching from the warmth of their cars. And that when their kids asked, 'Did you see me, Mom?' they could say, 'Of course, I wouldn't have missed it for the world,' and mean
it.

This is for all the mothers who yell at their kids in the grocery store and swat them in despair when they stomp their feet and scream for ice cream before dinner. And for all the mothers who count to ten instead, but realize how child abuse happens.

This is for all the mothers who sat down with their children and explained all about
making babies. And for all the (grand)mothers who wanted to, but just couldn't find the words. This is for all the mothers who go hungry, so their children can at. For all the mothers who read 'Goodnight, Moon' twice a night for a year. And then read it again, 'Just one more time.'

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to tie their shoelaces before
they started school. And for all the mothers who opted for Velcro instead.

This is for all the mothers who teach their sons to cook and their daughters to sink a jump shot.

This is for every mother whose head turns automatically when a little voice calls 'Mom?' in a crowd, even though they know their own offspring are at home -- or even away at college -- or have their own families.

This is for all the mothers who sent their kids to school with stomach aches, assuring them they'd be just FINE once they got there, only to get calls from the school nurse an hour later asking them to please pick them up. Right away. This is for mothers whose children have gone astray, who can't find the words to reach them.

For all the mothers who bite their lips until they bleed when their 14 year olds dye their hair green.

For all the mothers of the victims of recent school shootings, and the mothers of those who did the shooting.

For the mothers of the survivors, and the mothers who sat in front of their TVs in horror, hugging their child who just came home from school, safely.

This is for all the mothers who taught their children to be peaceful, and now pray they come home safely from a war.

What makes a good mother anyway? Is it patience? Compassion? Broad hips? The ability to nurse a baby, cook dinner, and sew a button on a shirt, all at the same time?

Or is it in her heart? Is it the ache she feels when she watches her son or daughter disappear down the street, walking to school alone for the very first time?

The jolt that takes her from sleep to dread, from bed to crib at 2 A.M. to put her hand on the back of a sleeping baby?

The panic, years later, that comes again at 2 A.M. when she just wants to hear their key in the door and know they are safe again in her home?

Or the need to flee from wherever she is and hug her child when she hears news of a fire, a car accident, a child dying?

The emotions of motherhood are universal and so our thoughts are for young mothers stumbling through diaper changes and sleep deprivation.... And for mature mothers learning to let go.

For working mothers and stay-at-home mothers.

Single mothers and married mothers.

Mothers with money, mothers without.

This is for you all. For all of us...

Hang in there. In the end we can only do the best we can. Tell them every day that we love them. And pray and never stop being a mother....

A Child's Book Report on the Entire Bible

A child was told to write a book report on the entire
Bible. This is amazing. I wonder how often we take for granted that
children understand what we are teaching?

Through the eyes of a child: Children's Bible
in a Nutshell

In the beginning, which occurred near the
start, there was nothing but God, darkness, and some gas. The
Bible says, 'The Lord thy God is one, but I think He must be a
lot older than that. Anyway, God said, 'Give me a light!' and
someone did. Then God made the world.

He split the Adam and made Eve. Adam and Eve
were naked, but they weren't embarrassed because mirrors hadn't
been invented yet. Adam and Eve disobeyed God by eating one bad
apple, so they were driven from the Garden of Eden. Not sure
what they were driven in though, because they didn't have cars.

Adam and Eve had a son, Cain, who hated his
brother as long as he was Abel Pretty soon all of the early
people died off, except for Methuselah, who lived to be like a
million or something.

One of the next important people was Noah, who
was a good guy, but one of his kids was kind of a Ham. Noah
built a large boat and put his family and some animals on it.
He asked some other people to join him, but they said they
would have to take a rain check.

After Noah came Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob.
Jacob was more famous than his brother, Esau, because Esau sold
Jacob his birthmark in exchange for some pot roast. Jacob had a
son named Joseph who wore a really loud sports coat.

Another important Bible guy is Moses, whose
real name was Charlton Heston. Moses led the Israel Lights out
of Egypt and away from the evil Pharaoh after God sent ten
plagues on Pharaoh's people. These plagues included frogs,
mice, lice, bowels, and no cable. God fed the Israel Lights
every day with manicotti.

Then he gave them His Top Ten Commandments.
These include don't lie, cheat, smoke, dance, or covet your
neighbor's stuff. Oh, yeah, I just thought of one more: Humor
thy father and thy mother.

One of Moses' best helpers was Joshua who was
the first Bible guy to use spies. Joshua fought the battle of
Geritol and the fence fell over on the town.

After Joshua came David. He got to be king by
killing a giant with a slingshot. He had a son named Solomon
who had about 300 wives and 500 porcupines. My teacher says he
was wise, but that doesn't sound very wise to me.

After Solomon there were a bunch of major
league prophets One of these was Jonah, who was swallowed by a
big whale and then barfed upon the shore. There were also
some minor league prophets, but I guess we don't have to worry
about them.

After the Old Testament came the New Testament.
Jesus is the star of the New Testament. He was born in
Bethlehem in a barn. (I wish I had been born in a barn, too,
because my mom is always saying to me, 'Close the door! Were
you born in a barn?' It would be nice to say yes.

During His life, Jesus had many arguments with
sinners like the Pharisees and the Republicans. Jesus also had
twelve opossums. The worst one was Judas Asparagus. Judas was
so evil that they named a terrible vegetable after him.

Jesus was a great man. He healed many leopards
and even preached to some Germans on the Mount. But the
Republicans and all those guys put Jesus on trial before
Pontius the Pilot. Pilot didn't stick up for Jesus. He just
washed his hands instead.

Anyway's, Jesus died for our sins then came
back to life again. He went up to Heaven but will be back at
the end of the Aluminum. His return is foretold in the book of
Revolution.